Sunday, September 11, 2011

If Hearts Can Talk....

If hearts can talk, I wonder what mine would be saying….
If hearts can talk, wouldn’t it be easier?
I wish hearts can talk, ‘cause only then maybe we could be free of all the lies and dishonesty…..

What is it about the past that keeps pulling you in involuntarily?
That even after I’ve moved on, live my life, figure out how to be my own person without him, and are genuinely happy with my life and who I am right now, once in a while, something or someone from the past will appear out of nowhere.
Most of the time the past feels distant, it is distant, and then once in blue moon, it resurfaces…
What’s with that?
People say “Yesterday was history, Tomorrow is a mystery, and Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the PRESENT”.
A few days ago I came across a quote by Anonymous saying “Don’t look back at what you’ve lost. Move on. Remember, life is not meant to be traveled backwards”.
In a way, I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve lost. In fact, I know I’m so much better off without him. Deep down, I always felt like I deserve someone better, like he couldn’t be the best there is for me… I mean, being who I am, I can get more, deserve more. After I discovered all the lies and the secrets, I feel that more strongly than ever…
And I feel relieved, that after everything that has happened, I am now able to be free of him, blameless.
It’s a good thing. And I don’t want any part of him in my life anymore.
And when he came back, I am certain than ever that I definitely, positively do not want an asshole like that in my life…
Which makes me wonder then, why does the past sometimes resurfaces?

So I wanna share another quote by an unknown that sounds like this, “Sometimes it’s not the person that that we miss, it’s the memories that we share together with them”. I think there’s a truth in the quote. Because memories, no matter what, will always stay the same, frozen in time, unchangeable and can never be undone. But people though, changes. I myself, changed, after everything that has happened. We are now different people, strangers, set on different paths, and that is it. And now, I am moving forward, I refuse to stay in the past. I believe there is a reason why everything happens the way it did. Every cloud has a silver lining. And I know, that God always have the best plans for us, that everything happens for the best.
I think the reason why things are so hard this time around is because, in the past, I’ve used up my strength to recover from my heartbreaks. So many times have it been used up, that maybe what was left of it is not enough to sustain me this time? Is that even possible? Or is it true when they say that it is when you feel like you are spent, that you have no more strength left in you, is the moment when you find new courage and become stronger than you have ever been before?
The part that hurts is not the being without him part. 'Cause being without him I feel like I’ve been saved. But I think what hurts most is the betrayal, all the lies and dishonesty, the manipulation. Nevertheless, I am bouncing back….

Till next time….. = )

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